a bright dusty glow

Last night my guy and I went for a walk on the water front and we was talking about life issues and my mind became tired i should say sick and tired of all that useless ramble and I said to Charbel can we just not talk; my brain can’t take it anymore so we sat there on a bench and looked out over the water at the downtown skyline and the people passing excersising and talking to their friends and loved ones different thoughts came to my mind and as they came i said goodbye soon I was just there in the moment admiring the lamp post and its bright glow. Then my eyes did a long blink and when I looked once more at the lamp I saw the dirt spots inside that made it look somewhat more detailed than just a white bright glow but I was actually seeing what was in front of me. I took a look behind me at the grass and thought to myself when was the last time I sat down in grass and felt it in my hands on my body in my hair? I asked my boyfriend when was the last time he rolled in grass he told me like over 10yrs ago. Thats a long time! So I told him to get up and join me in the gras and lets take a roll. I did two rolls in the grass and laid down on my back and my boyfriend did about 4 rolls and sniffed the grass to take in mother earth.

Last night was a beautiful night

laughing baby

Contemplating……

As I sit and contemplate and thoughts of folks that have come into my life have I figured out why?

 Is it for me to know? 

 orgasm addiction

addiction coffee

caffeine

energy

just thinking about him

i ask why

why

why

i get filled with wild thoughts of

why

So i’m contemplating

yes this blog is not filled with cheer

even though i take myself out of myself and I realize yes I’m happy

even with my situations

I’m alive

I’m living

I’m aksing

I’m striving

I’m smiling

I’m laughing

I am

 

mother

sister

friend

co-worker

lover

daughter

just some labels on a clothes pin that hangs from my clothes from time to time

i contemplate my thoughts and ask

do they make sense?

am I just wasting time thinking about

what is

Zen?

Hahahahaha (makes me laugh out loud)

Birthdays

anniversaries

Parties

Dancing

Dancing a dance to Heal

I question

what is he to me?

Teacher

friend

Brother

Son

Father

Lover

just some labels I decided I won’t put on him

He simply

Is.

 

 

The story still needs to be told

Reading the Warrior of The Light  and this here popped off the screen at me.  

 

Thousands of years ago, Solomon wrote the following words: “Whatever has been is that which will be; And whatsoever has been done is that which will be done; And there is nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9).

Just wanted to share with you all out there. click here Warrior of The Light  to check out the rest. Or Paulo Coelho Blog

 

 

Much love and light

Marie 

My Job is hurting my Heart

I tell myself stop it! stop being so selfish stop complaining, its a blessing to have a job that pays well! Well I am thankful for this job for having money to help my family to live to travel. But all in all I HATE MY JOB AND ITS HURTING MY HEART!

So many would say, “well, leave if it is that bad”! Well, if i leave that means leaving Qatar, leaving my friends, leaving my boyfriend, leaving a life I have outside of my job. It makes me sad thinking about leaving everyone.

But my heart is starting to take over. My mind has put up a battle trying to be LOGIC about all of this.

 

Mind: be financially secured, make sure you know where you want to go after you leave Qatar, you have a big promotion that is approaching are you sure you want to turn that opportunity down? Marie don’t make any mistakes. You know you do not want to return back home to St. Petersburg all that is there are people that are guaranteed to work your nerves and too much sadness.

Now my heart is jumping in

Heart:    mind you have put up this fight too long and i have given you your way for the past two years, now its my turn to have some fun!!! Don’t worry dear, everything is going to be alright. Hasn’t the Lord always taken care of you in all situations?

“Yes”! is my reply

 

Heart:   So why is that you are afraid its time for a change its time for some adventure its time to put your lessons into actions!

Lord help me choose give me the strength to step out on faith!