don’t want to eat really

breaking up is like a bad tooth being pulled out slowly but like all bad things they must be taken care of.

breaking up is like a bad tooth being pulled out slowly

8 July 2009 8:01 pm I want to pick up the phone and call him more like I want him to pick up the phone and call me and ask me what am I doing I say nothing much and he comes over and hug me. Instead there is no call I’m going to get dressed and go out and have a drink that I don’t want to have, I choose the drink instead of crying my eyes out in this room.

10:16am 9 July 2009 I am hung overrrrrrr! last night was funnnnnnn and much needed! ?Got video clips don’t know if the video clips will be posted maybe a little too much for this here blog. Thanks you Kia and Krissy for the great time last night, you two are my soul sisters truely, I’m so blessed to have lovely friends. Lots of wine and good music, laughs, conversation about everythang and pizza that came up at the end of my night when I returned to my apartment. Yes, I was praying to the porcelain god, but I’m so glad I didn’t cry.  Woke up this morning to a ringing telephone and a ringing head, I miss him, but this is life and this too shall pass, and one day my prince shall come don’t know who he is and honestly at this moment I really don’t care. Ok the wine is still moving in me must take shower and get some dry toast in my belly. LOL get in my belly!!!

I’ve decided I’m going to blog about this experience I’m going to write about how I feel what happened what I did, how I am going to overcome this. I’m going to write about it until I am no longer writing about it. My blog is going to be my therapist.

here is a little Chat I had with my good friend who always seems to be there for me via internet Gmail that is when I need him. Found each other I think via WordPress: your awesome and I love you!!! 

51 AM Philepe: Hi Marie are you feeling better?

me: got a litttttle hang over but yes I’m a lot better

10:52 AM Philepe: I am happy you are

me: how about you how you doing

?

Philepe: I am good.

10:53 AM me: i realized I need this time

Philepe: So you been doing a little drinking?;-)

me: last night yes

Philepe:

me: i need this time with myself with God with friends

10:54 AM even if it means I will no longer be back with Charbel

Philepe: sounds like a plan

me: I just hope to remember this

Philepe: yes. no ugly ring anymore

10:55 AM me: hehehe

i started to like it

the mind is crazy

Philepe: Just when you started to like it?

me: a lesson thats all

10:56 AM so any updates?

10:57 AM Philepe: for some reason I got loggedout of chat probably because I am at work and just stopped by to check email.

10:58 AM me: ohh

Philepe: It seems to be ok now but I missed your last message

10:59 AM me: are you still feeling like you want to seperate?

Philepe: no so much now.

11:00 AM me: are you going to make it work?

Philepe: If it is going to work it will. Chloe and I have been spending a lot of time together. She is feeling better and realizes that she must work on her depression

11:01 AM me: yes

11:02 AM Philepe: It is nice to see her smiling and realizing things that she was not open to learnng. I mean I think she is starting a spiritual journey and she seems very excited. Reading a book by Louise Hay and doing things for herself to make herself feel better. Lets hope that she is doing it for her and not to keep me as she veamently professes

11:03 AM me: lets say she did it to keep you

the thing is once its taken it

in

once its taken in (hangover sorry)

11:04 AM the growth begains

Philepe: Yes

me: so it doesn’t matter if she did it to keep you because lets say you left and someone gave her a spiritual book to read to help her get over you

same same

11:05 AM its for her all in all

Philepe: You are absolutely right.

me: your just the seed thats all (meant to say your just used to help plant the seed) and

all the watering will be done by……

11:07 AM Philepe: So long as she continues to nurture herself then she wont get stuck in her mind again. I can live with working on things and helping her on the way but I cannot `stand by and watch her fall into hell again for any prolonged period of time.

me: it happens to us all

seriously some longer than others but we need others to make us realize this and we can work on getting ourselves out of the pit

11:08 AM Philepe: I have to sign out for a few hope you are still on when I get back. Have to actually do some work. It does that is why I wanted to make the separation so that I didnt get dragged back into it myself

me: See Philepe you love her and she loves you, its about you knowing her

Philepe: I know her better than she did last week.:-) brb have to sign out

me: understandable

Philepe: Hi Marie. I am back. Yes we do love eachother however I learned that love is not always enough

21:52 9 July 2009 Just came back home. I spoke with him, he called me first then I called him back later conversation seemed weird because things are weird between us. Right now I have almost 100 million thoughts going on in my head and I’m going to go wash some dishes and make me a small salad and get some zzzzz I’ve got work in the morning and I want to have a beautiful friday. Posting some pictures from last night. I don’t look to drunk guess the car ride home shook things up in me.

looking at the stars